You are not to blame.

Close your eyes.

Think of all the reasons you hate yourself.

Okay maybe not all of them. Let us limit this to five.

Five. Five (or less if you can’t think of five you fabulously positive person) reasons you hate (or some kind of less energetic dislike) you.
Here’s an example list:

1) I mess everything up

2) I am not considerate of those around me

3) I go back on my promises

4) I never live in the moment

5) I seem incapable of making the most of opportunities 

Then (once you’ve finished crying / swearing at yourself / feeling miserable about life in general and yours in particular) make another list, one that picks apart the first:
1) You didn’t mess up that rather fine list you made earlier so “everything” isn’t correct.

2) Who is around you? You spend 49% your time alone and the other 49% with your parents leaving a couple of percent spare for “socialising” so… If you’re just around yourself then I agree. You deserve more consideration. 

3) What like certain birthday presents you promised yourself you’d make? Goals you promised you’d reach? Attitudes you promised to change? Maybe keeping them isn’t the problem. Think about not making up such ridiculous things in the first place.

4) You never usually live.

5) What opportunities? (List only reasonable, accessible and sustainable options)

That was actually pretty fun. It felt like a bit of a sarcastic challenge. Anyway where were we? Now to a list of reasonable explanations (of the “faults”/reasons to hate yourself from the original list):

1) Everything I can think of that you’ve messed up can be followed back to your illness. Try it. Now stop hating on a disabled person you bully.

2) I know, sometimes you snap or take out your frustration on other people. However that’s only about 10%… The other 90% you take out on yourself so no wonder you snap! Start by being kinder to you and maybe being kinder to others will follow.

3) Like I said in list two, you make crazy promises in order to feel certain of future achievement.  I promise you that leaving off the promises will lead to a better feeling in the future, rather that wanting to feel all good and riotous now. Uh, oops. Okay I guess promises are a hard habit to break, a bit like sorrys… Moving on!

4) It’s hard to focus on every present feeling when that would include a pounding headache and pesky tinnitus. Ignoring certain aspects of “right here, right now” is a habit you’ve developed to help cope with the pain. That’s okay. Besides, you do “live in the moment” more than you think.

5) Most “opportunities” involve copious amounts of hard work and determination. Dee should be short for determination as your middle name but at for the hard work? Hard work requires a body & mind that can deal with it! Yours can’t right now. An opportunity isn’t for you if you’re physically incapable of following it through. Missing out on something like that is looking out for your health, not being lazy.

Have you made your lists?

I doubt the good feeling I got from mine will last for long but when it fades I will return to this page and read it through until I believe every word.

Good luck with loving you just a little bit more than you hate you πŸ’• It’s all about that balance!!! πŸ˜›

~Sakara.
P.S. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remember that everyone is different. Think about making your own lists but if you feel it could be detrimental for you then DON’T. Just don’t put yourself through something that doesn’t work for you x I hope it can help some people but nothing works for everyone xxxxxxxx Take care.

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