This is a post in response to a daily prompt. But at the same time… It isn’t. This is a post about a thought I didn’t know how to express until I saw the word ‘perfection’ on my feed.
What is perfection? Perfection is my dreams. It’s running and whooping with joy, it’s twirling in a home made dress for the first time, it’s seeing someone you love captured perfectly in a photograph you can’t believe was a result of you clicking a little button on your camera. Perfection is all of these things in one day, set on a clifftop overlooking a wide expanse of blue sea. Perfection is health and happiness. To me, anyway.
By that definition my life will forever be far from perfect. Running? What, you expect me to suffer a week of pain for a few moments of joy? I’m terribly sorry, no can-do! Home made dress? I’m barely up to stitching a flower crown. Photography? Maybe but… Have you felt the weight of my camera!? And how exactly do you expect my wheelchair to reach a clifftop? Yes, that’s right. I am a teenage girl. Perfection is health, happiness, creativity and friends. I am disabled. Reality is trying to remember my blue badge when I go out and worrying about who among my ‘friends’ would be willing to push my wheelchair
So I now have a simple description of how I have recently been desperately trying to change my mind-set. All I want to do is alter my perception of perfection.
ME -a chronic illness I suffer with- stops me from having what others would see as a ‘perfect’ life but why is there such an idea in the first place? The moment a person reaches a place others dream of their minds instantly seem to move on to even ‘better’ more ‘perfect’ realities they could be living in. If I had everything I dream of would I be satisfied? Probably, with my memories, my past. But all those everyday teenagers out there who I envy more than they could ever understand probably don’t have any idea how much they’ve got. Perfection, I have now realised, is relative.
People say to ‘look ahead’ and social media encourages us to idolise and desperately attempt to imitate those with thousands -or millions- of followers, but at the same time we are thinking of how we would love to ‘live in the moment’ and ‘appreciate what we’ve got’. Maybe that starts with changing the way you define that one simple word:
This is at the centre of my struggle to try and accept- but not stop fighting -ME. I needed to stop yearning for something that no amount of wishing would bring me and start managing what little life I’ve got.
Perfection isn’t ME but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the most wonderful, perfect moments. Perfection is not blaming myself for being ill, it is the days I spent with two different friends; one who kindly chose games I could enjoy playing while lying down and the other who pushed my wheelchair and even managed to make it fun.
Just stop and think; what do you really want? Not “What does everyone else want?”, not “What should I feel grateful for… I mean there’s always someone worse off, right!?'” just what do you care about? Compare this with what you have and compromise. Maybe one day I’ll be up to running, we’ll see, but right now I’ll make do with my smiley-covered wheelchair wheels for getting me around… Just as long as there’s the occasional smile n my face, too.