Do you ever find that the only way you can ‘know your limits’ is to not notice them until it’s too late? Like those ‘boundaries’, you don’t know they exist until you smack right into them.
The thing is that I seem to be a little blind when it comes to this- time after time I ‘over-do it’ and, quite frankly, it’s getting on my nerves. In my last post ‘Shoppers are scared of being run over…’ I tried to think about others’ atitudes towards disabled people. Today I’m thinking about me. The hardest person to get along with. The most judgemental and unforgiving.
Half the time I will probably be attempting ‘constructive criticism’, I won’t be happy with a drawring until I have used more rubber than pencil to get it just right… The other half? I am just plain mean. Again, as I said last time, I don’t claim to know everything, I’m only writing from experience. But I’ve noticed that often the worst opinions, reviewing of ’embarrassing’ ‘awkward’ or plain ‘wrong’ behaviour seems to come when I think that what I’m thinking is only what everyone else wants to say.
Most teenagers (me included!) Claim to be ‘individual’ and ‘proud to be different’ because we are! And I love this. I love the fact that the main thing that makes us the same is the fact that everyone is different. One problem. As far as I know, everyone cares what others think of them. The image we show the world is often carefully crafted, even subconsciously, to get the response we want. Sound like a load of trash? Yes. I know. But that’s half the problem for me. If I can’t accept that half the reason I won’t say ‘I physically can’t do that!’ Is because I don’t want to be weak, I don’t want everyone to see that I can’t do what I ‘should‘ be capable of, how can I change things? I’m naturally determined and I enjoy exercise. I just happen to be incapable of doing much of it… All I am trying to say is think. When you’re overdoing it, is it because you’re angry, frustrated? Do you simply want to be able to do more? Or are you eager to be seen as the you that you could be? Like me. I think too much about who I could/should/would’ve been if I was healthy. It doesn’t help. And I’ve realized now that real strength is being able to say ‘no’ when you need to, not pushing yourself until you collapse in front of everyone! Wouldn’t exactly have the desired effect, would it!?
Is it just me, or do you ever think like that? Let me know!
P.S. The way I look at it, if you buy a brand new pair of converse high tops then your money’s gone. No more colour choices, nothing left for tomorrow. Go on eBay and you can get three pairs! ‘Energy storing’ and predictions don’t work for me but I know if I mess up, I’ll pay for it later. Although sometimes it’s worth it- like the brand new pair I got for my birthday, a special occasion. Save your ‘go nuts!’ Days for when it’s really worth it… And you’ve got a few days to recover!
P.P.S. Converse had to come into it somewhere, right?